Our basic nature is to be happy and keep our bellies full. I actually heard my father say that more than once.
So, how do we rule this selfish nature inside so we can become the husband or wife we are supposed to be? That’s the premise of this blog. I hope to convey to you what I have seen over many years, not only as a man, but as a professional businessman who meets with ‘up and coming’ couples interested in this great state of marriage.
Most of my great learning comes from practical experience. You can read all you want from books, which are great resources. But you can only gain understanding by living with that person for a long period of time. And you can only gain understanding of that other person in your life by fully committing to them. I’ll repeat that one thing. You can only gain understanding by living with that person for a ‘LONG PERIOD OF TIME’. New revelations of understanding come as we grow together, and as we are willing to learn about the other person.
I do not claim to be a know-it-all, or a psychologist with schooling. I am a man who has lived with a wife of opposite nature than my own. I have learned because of, and through, the differences. And I have learned it all by staying the course. Many give up the course when things become tough. Sometimes it’s really enjoyable. Sometimes it’s endurance. Sometimes it’s rapturous. Sometimes it’s crisis. That’s life. It’s time for men (and women) to become and act like adults. All of life is not Cinderella. It’s not an idyllic life throughout. Up and downs will come. How you handle the ups and downs determines if you are able to succeed in this endeavor called marriage.
The things I discovered about my wife were only learned after the “initial trial period” of 20 years was fulfilled. Now we are into our third trimester (if we make 60 years). For some people their personal statute of marital limitations has run out. Oh, they might in “combined” marriage years, but not with that one person.
I’ve heard this statement more than once. The test of a real man is one who can satisfy ONE woman for life, rather than satisfying many women. The outcome of the latter is usually loneliness. The things you learn by living with that one person for life is a wealth of information, a gold mine. Many today, it would seem, have decided they know everything, thus a lack of growing in knowledge.
Have I messed up? Oh, numerous times. Have I hurt her? The answer is yes. Has she hurt me? The answer is yes. But we both keep coming back to each other because we agreed at our vows that we would covenant for life. She is the only one for me. We keep getting up again and again. Down at times, but never out. The experience of learning along the way is an education of endurance. It is about a strong covenant. No contract. No statute of limitations. No exit.
Learn how to work with someone who’s different than yourself. This blog came from the experiences of two people, totally different, who have struggled to understand how another thinks and acts (and reacts) differently than our own judgment.
So, the heart of what matters is a to diminish selfishness in your marriage. Ego has no place if you wish to make this marriage last. That means that man must lead by example rather dominance or control. Self centered people usually end up lonely.